ALL PLAY AND NO WORK MAKES JACK A VERY DEPRESSED BOY

THAT'S RIGHT, OUR OLD PAL 'PRESSION IS BACK, and with a vengance. And a thirst for knowledge (?) Anyway, this is the longest I've been without work, and let's just say it's not fun. I can't sleep at night anymore (oh insomnia, how I missed you) and my days are spent staring miserably at my screen without enthusiasm or concern for a future. Soryi has been very supportive and understanding, but I think she's getting both annoyed and worried. And frankly so am I. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I put in a lot of effort to promote myself in a fun, clever and hopefully memorable and eye-catching way. I sent out postcards with the 'magazine' theme, as well as posters (A1 size ones no less!) to 15 of the best studios in London. How many replied? NONE. How many would even let me talk to the boss? Well, two. But still, that's not very much.

And now I'm forced to lower my standards. And that is what is making me feel really bad. I feel like I've failed. I feel that by not aiming for the best, and achieving I really am mundane. Sure, I joke about being mondayne, but I really do have very high expectations for myself, and I guess it's just hard realising maybe I can't acheive everything I want, even if I do put my mind to it. Maybe I'm just not good enough to work for the best.

Sigh.

Well, like I said, I'm going to have to lower my standards, BUT at the same time, I'm gonna try and lift my game even more. Last time I felt I gave it 100%, this time it'll have to be 110%. (I know, platitudes are lame) But seriously, maybe if I can get any job for now, something that doesn't make me want to inhale spray glue through my eyes, while not entirely giving up on my dreams, and my lame struggle to be a good designer. If I can pay the bills, that'll be a good start, but I mustn't settle for too long.

Okay, so with that in mind I present to you this, the latest in a series of struggles in attempt to promote myself in a humourous, positive, humble and proactive light. I'm trying to say 'I'm so great, I'll be perfect for your company, but I'm not a cocky wanker, see?' It's been a giant challange. I tend to downplay myself (if you hadn't noticed). So it's been hard to say nice things without sounding made-up, or just plain lies.



So the theme is a medical examination of the different systems that make my body, like the circulatory system, nervous system, skeletal system, etc. But instead of showing organs, which would be pointless and gross, I will be showing things that relate to design. For example my nervous system will be a metaphor for all the technical skills I have, so instead of nerves and a brain, there will be a hard drive, cables, circuit boards, etc. It sounds very 'first-year', but if I can pull it off it'll work. The captions won't just say 'brain' and point at the HDD either, it will say 'proficient in Adobe Creative Suite' or something along those lines. Basically it's just summing me up in point-form, without just looking like a series of bullet points.

I'm only showing you the title page, because that's all I've done so far. I do have a funny looking sillouette of me looking sideways with my mouth open (like though medical diagrams of the digestive system), it's funny just by itself, so hopefully the whole thing will be humourous, rather than tedious.

If you have any suggestions on a BETTER idea, I am more than happy to take them on board. At this stage, I am only doing this idea because I am desperately clinging onto the last remaining sliver of a somewhat sane idea. And if I let go of it, maybe I won't have anything left. Seriously, it's been 3 weeks trying to thing of something. Trying. and failing.

IESSO

PS. On the upside though, because of all the walking around I've been doing, and the lack of eating huge meals, and possibly from stopping smoking too, I've lost a buttload of weight. Literally. I don't know if you noticed and were too polite to say anything, but I've been steadily gaining weight for the last 2 years. At first is was good, I was probably a bit too thin on the arms and legs, and face, but then I grew a big fat gut. All the Guinness helped too. But yeah, the stomach is nearly gone, there are even traces of what may be abs (but just as likely rolls of skin) and I'm just generally more toned. Soryi has noticed too. Which is nice. Even though I'm not doing super great mentally, at least I'm feeling physically a lot better.

PPS. It's been nearly a month without a cigarette. I certainly do miss them. I don't think it's the cravings talking either, I really enjoyed smoking. It was fun. But I've promised Soryi I'd quit, and so far I have kept my promise. I plan on keeping it forever too. I'm not just doing it for her, I feel a lot healthier, I'm breathing better, and am a lot fitter, but mostly it's for her. I guess everyone has to find a reason right?

PPPS. I typed this post, and then played around changing the masthead and profile. And I like the black and white, high contrast look on the profile, so I think I'll do that instead of the quasi-real color yo see above. It's more 'graphic' and therefore makes it look like I did it on purpose, rather than covering up my inadequate illustration abilities. Right?