LIST OF DORKY THINGS

LARP (Live Action Role Playing)
Star Trek Chess (it’s a real thing!)
Star Trek (JJ Abrams movie INCLUDED!)
LOST (personal bias admitted)
Harry Potter glasses (and costumes)
Internet Meme’s
Image Macro’s (they’re funny! Am I... a dork?)
L33T Speak
White sneakers
Goatee’s
Computer company polo shirts
Warhammer models
Cosplay (Westerners only)
Dungeons and Dragons (classic)
Hawaiian shirts (unless you’re Magnum PI)
Lara Croft (the 90’s are over guys)
Corrective footwear
The Fonz (I wish it wasn’t so)
Dad jokes (bad)
Mom jokes (polite but bad)
Uncle jokes (bad and vulgar!)
Talking like Marcy from The Peanuts
Knowing who Marcy from The Peanuts is
Speaking Klingon
Speaking Elf languages
Writing in Klingon/Elven
Translating classic literature into Klingon/Elven (people do this!)
Long white socks (roller-skating girls excluded)
Braces (both tooth and pants kinds)
Specifics of typographic rules
Dandruff (obvious)
Retro video game consoles
CD-ROMS/Laser Discs/Mini-disks
Rockabilly clothes on uncool people (makes them even less cool)
Otaku
Model Trains
Model Airplanes
Model Boats
Collections of bus tickets
Superhero pyjamas/bedspreads
WWE (there, I said it!)
ASCII illustrations
Lists of dorky things

THIS YEAR I WILL TRY NOT TO

We were featured in the December/January issue of Desktop Magazine! And we got the cover image!
IESSO

WEIRD FACTS PUT TO A CATCHY TUNE

MORE WEIRD: Cleopatra lived closer in time to the moon landing than the pyramids being built.
IESSO

HATER'S GONNA HATE

So we're getting some negative feedback from our publication. Here's some of my favourite criticisms:

• Love the sentiment behind 'This Year I Will Try Not To' - though I can't help but feel more pursuaded by it if the designers behind this interesting little publication weren't so trendy themselves.. (Clinton Duncan, on Australian In Front)

• This year I will try not to... spell check? (Stuffee, on Australian In Front)

• Mixed feelings about this. Like the idea and some of the examples made me smile – but it feels a bit hypocritical: the muted colour palette, the ‘making of’ vimeo video, the product photography, the condensed sans serif type, the selling of a limited signed booklet… they kind of feel to me like things that could’ve been included in the project themselves. Am I over-cynical? Or is it intentionally ironic? (Luke Tonge, on FormFiftyFive)

• I taste of the mood boring. (Juliano Domingues, on Ideafixa, translated from Portuguese)

• Pra only to justify. I did not find without grace the idea, but the conception. I find that he had been made of exaggerated form, caricata, would be more legal. But the proper conception of the idea, passes a air of “superiority”, and this is place... (Advan Shumiski, on Ideafixa, translated from Portuguese)

And a nice one:
• It was a true nerdy designer moment of hysteric laughter when I came across the project “This year I will try not to” by Elliott Scott and Christopher Doyle. I guess you can call it a contract from two frustrated designers. I think we should all put our signatures on this one and agree with these guys. Super funny! (Inspiration Lab)

And this one, which could be either?
• Simply just bear in mind it’s all in your imagination what a person may achieve and how fast (Alysa Mccreless, on ChangeTheThought)

So, there you go. Generally negative comments.
IESSO

EMAIL ALWAYS WAS THE PERFECT CONDUIT FOR HILARITY

IT'S ACTUALLY EMBARASSING how freakin' funny I am. Seriously. It's a really problem.
Here's proof: two emails sent out to the ENTIRE office, magically *digitally composited* into one image.

IESSO

UPDATE

So, you ask, what's been happening you recently? Well, I reply, not a whole lot. But also, quite a lot too.




Firstly I went to New York again! But only for three days, and it was a business trip. Not much time for sight-seeing. I had to open a bank account, talk to immigration lawyers and file my taxes. Why would I do that? Because we're moving to New York in April next year! It's finally happening, we're in the middle of processing the paperwork right now. It's a long, expensive and difficult process, but we've started now.

The stages are:
1. Pay my taxes for the last three years.
2. Apply to sponsor Soryi.
3. Get interviewed, prove we're in a legitimate marriage and are genuinely planning on moving to the states (hence the bank account)
4. Soryi gets a temporary visa allowing her to enter the country (she can't at the moment, even as a tourist, which is why I went alone).
5. Soryi gets a permit allowing her to work.
6. We move there.
7. Soryi gets a permanent residence permit.

While I was there I had a few interviews with the company I'm working at now, everything seemed pretty positive, but nothing guaranteed because it's so far away. I'm hopeful though.

I did have a few spare hours though, and went to the Top of the Rock and a New York deli. Not Katz this time, too expensive, but 2nd Ave Deli, which was MUCH better, and a lot cheaper. Went to Taco Bell as well. It was fun.




I've been getting into photography a lot more too.. We've got a pretty good camera, and I've been playing with it a lot recently. Nothing amazing, but I'm still learning a lot. I've been collecting some vintage cameras too... We've got 15 now.



I went to a work organised Mad Men party last friday. It was fun, drank too many terrible martini's though. Had a hangover, which something I'm no longer used to. For people who don't know, Mad Men is a TV show about advertising, which takes place in the early 60's in NYC. Great show, even better theme for a party. I'm holding a Argus C3 camera in that photo. It was an American-made camera, that model is from 1962. It works, but not very well, too hard to focus and ATROCIOUS in low-light.

That's about it. I'll keep people informed of the visa situation.
IESSO

PS. We're gonna go to Japan in December. 10 days; Osaka–Kyoto–Nara–Himeji–Tokyo–Nagano... Photos!

NYC

I'll be in the states from 27/02 to 06/03. If you need to contact me between those times I'll be checking emails, or you can leave a message on the blog. Just going over there to sort out some stuff to do with visa's and other errands of that nature, so photo's might be scarce.
IESSO

McRAGE or WOULD YOU LIKE TO FLY OF THE HANDLE WITH THAT?

IN MCDONALDS FOR BREAKFAST BEFORE A SUNDAY WORK DAY.

Elliott: Hi. Can I please have a sausage McMuffin and a medium...
McWorker: Medium?
E: Yeah, a medium...
McW: Meal?
E: No meal. A sausage McMuffin and a medium iced coffee.
McW: It might be cheaper if it's a meal. I check?
E: No meal. Just a medium iced coffee and sausage mcmuffin.

McW puts it through the register as sausage and egg meal.

E: I don't want any egg. Just a sausage McMuffin.
McW: No meal?
E: NO. Can I check that it's a sausage one, and NOT a sausage and egg one?
McW: OK

WARNING: The following involves me yelling in a family restaurant.

I get the muffin, with egg of course, and an iced coffee. I go back to the counter to get a new muffin.

E: What's this? (pointing at egg). I asked for no egg. (pushes muffin at McW)
McW: OK.

WARNING: The following involves me yelling louder and with more profanity in a family restaurant.

I get the replacement muffin. WITH EGG!

E: WHAT THE FUCK!?!
McW: Hmm?
E: I said no fucking egg! I checked with you? Get the fucking manager!
Manager: What's wrong? I gave you a new one? I made it myself.
E: It's got egg in it!
M: I know, I chose the best one we had.
E: I told her, no fucking egg!!!
M: Oh, I thought she said that the egg was no good.
McW: No, you said egg.
E: I said NO egg! I checked with you!
(they talk to each other)
McW: Do we even have a sausage muffin without egg?
E: It's on the fucking menu! RIGHT THERE! Try learning the menu, for fuck's sake!
M (to McW): Next time, try listening.
McW: HERE! (handing me the new muffin)

I get replacement muffin, storm out, throwing the THIRD egg on the ground as I leave.

IESSO

TRUTH NUGGET

If it doesn't kill you, it'll make you stronger.
What about polio?

IESSOliteral

MOVEMBRÉ

Happy Little Vegemites

From mX (free newspaper) printed 01/07/09

If people ask why I want to leave Australia, this is the answer. I've encountered this attitude since I was nine years old, and frankly I am sick of it.

I wrote to the paper:
"I am not a Happy Little Vegemite either, but due entirely to your article. Get your facts right, and stop with the pointless America-bashing. If you don't like the politics that is understandable, but the people are generally not evil. Not all of us are fat, or greedy; as you seem to think. I've been confronted of this general attitude from Australians ever since I moved here when I was a little kid, and I can't understand why. If you don't like the new Vegemite, there is an easy solution; don't eat it. There is no need to turn this into some sort of "America is an evil imperialist empire, trying to take over the world, and extinguish our last glimmer of Australian identity" crisis. Lastly; for the record; Kraft has always been an American company, and Mel Gibson was born in New York."

IESSO

TUESDAYNE 2: TUES CONTROL

So Linus wants an epilogue. So here it is:

Things are pretty much back to normal now. Boring I know, but that's how it played out. It wasn't always back to normal though, something else happened in the time it took to return to normal.

After I was sent home, and had my wallet stolen I watched a lot of tv. For 2 days in fact. And then on Friday I was back at work. But I kind of wasn't feeling well. On Saturday Soryi got sick. Then I got sick properly on Sunday.

On Monday morning I went to the doctor to get some help. By the time the train arrived at the station I was feeling nauseous. Sea sick I guess. The doctor said I had a throat infection, a sinus infection and a lung infection. Which effects the bits in your ear that controls balance, explaining the sick feeling. He gave me some medicine and sent me home. So of course instead of going home I went to work. The files were still not recovered and looking less and less likely to ever get recovered.

The next day I felt weird when I woke up. I was still sick feeling, because the medicine hadn't worked yet. But on top of that I was also REALLY REALLY itchy. It was a different kind of itchy though. It was UNDERNEATH my skin. Not like a sunburn. Or a mosquito bite, but everywhere on my body. And deeper down.

I didn't know what it was, but figured a shower would help. I thought I over scrubbed myself when I got out and was all pink. But then I noticed that I was pink EVERYWHERE. I was pink on my eyelids. I was pink between my toes. I was pink behind my knees. And when I say pink I mean PINK!!! Pink like one of those old-fashioned erasers. And it wasn't going away.

I went back to the doctor. Trying to hide my skin, which looked like I'd washed my face with magenta ink. The doctor asked if I was itchy, I told him I was, he thought for a second, trying to figure out how to phrase the bad news. Did I have cancer? With two weeks to live? How was I going to tell my family? Or Soryi? We were supposed to be getting married soon!

Luckily it was only a simple allergy to the medicine. But before you let of that big sigh if relief, it's not just any allergy; I'm allergic to pennicilin. The worst allergy you can have. Oh sure, it only is the greatest medical discovery/invention of all time, but hey, Elliott, you should be allergic to it. Yippee.

Actually it could have been a lot worse. The doctor told me that if I hadn't come in, and kept taking the medicine my blood pressure would've dropped, my heart would've stopped beating and no epilogue for Linus.

He gave me some new medicine, without pennicilin, an injection of anti-inflamatories, and told me to go home.

Which I did.

On Thursday the itching hadn't stopped, but the original illness was almost gone (remember that one?) and I went back to work, with only the pinkness level of someone running a marathon. In the sahara.

The files were lost. For good. With no way of getting them. So it was time to redo everything, work late and get everything back on track.

After another day of that I was feeling worse again, but good enough. And that's how I feel right now. The pinkness is gone, luckily, the itch at only 5% of it original level, but not gone, and my suck feeling only slightly higher.

Work has returned to normal too. And in case you were wondering Soryi is completely fine, her sickness only lasting the one weekend.

IESSO

In other news: we're finally getting our act together about the wedding. YAY! It will be held in Brisbane some time in the near future. That bit isn't finalized yet. What is finalized though is our trip to Brisbane on the 18th of July to go to the Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages to put in the paperwork and choose a date.

The ceremony is to be held at their ceremony room in the old printing factory in Brisbane. Which is good because it's design related. And heavens forbid we do anything that isn't design related!

Also, we bumped into Sebastian from Luveworm in Sydney. He's doing well, having spent a while in the states doing sone art thing. He's got an exhibition coming up, but he didn't say where or when it was, or any way of getting in contact with him, so we'll probably not get to go.

Anyway that's sort of all for now. I'd tell you about work, but it's painfully boring to do, let alone talk about. The only exception to that is: for once I am doing something fun for one project. With costumes! But the client will probably kill it and end up looking like crap. But I'll upload pics to Flickr if things work out.

Lastly: Where in the World is Linus? San Diego perhaps?

TUESDAYNE

LAST TUESDAY WAS A BAD DAY FOR ELLIOTT. Not life-threateningly bad, or bad in any grand, ultimate sense, no-one died, no-one was hurt, but nonetheless, tuesday was a bad day anyway. So what happened then that made the day so bad you might ask? And if you didn't ask, don't bother reading the next part, for I shall be explaining why tuesday was bad.

7.55am
I woke up late, as I sometimes do. Tuesday was different though. I had just gotten back from Perth, and Brisbane earlier in the week. And I didn't feel like going to work. More than that perhaps, I felt I shouldn't go to work. It turned out I was right, but I don't believe in premonitions, so I am hesitant to say I had a feeling that the day would go bad. I just didn't want to go to work and I didn't know why.

9.32am
I arrived at work early. I wanted to get straight into it, I'd missed a lot of work over the previous week, having only gone in two out the five days that week, because I was in Brisbane, then Perth. So I walked in, said hi to everyone and got started checking the work emails and that sort of thing. My boss suggested I swap computers around, because my computer was slow, and I have lots of Photoshop work to do, and the other computer is faster.

9.40am
I unplugged my computer and swapped it with the faster one. The faster one had the server harddrive attached, so I moved it along with the fast computer. It was dusty, but I didn't it was a big deal. But I guess it was, because when I turned the computer, the server harddrive was corrupt and everything was gone. Everything. Everything from the last five years, from the whole company was lost.

9.43am
I was sent home, unsure when, or indeed if, I would be coming back. Without the files, there was nothing to do. The harddrive was taken to a data recovery specialist, but they're still not sure if anything can be recovered. So without any work to do, and my mind replaying the event of 3 minutes earlier I went into the city to calm down, get some reading done and maybe go to the gym to blow off some steam.

2.16pm
I finished my book after sitting in the park in the cold. This part wasn't so bad, actually it would have been quite pleasant under different circumstances, but on tuesday it was distracting enough to serve it's purpose, but not enjoyable enough to give any sense of pleasure. On a side note; the book was The Big Sleep by Raymond Chandler. It's another Penguin book, I'm making my way through all the orange and white ones. This one was pretty good.

4.02pm
I went to the gym. Because I was in Brisbane/Perth I didn't get a chance to go, so I was a bit out of practice. First I did my usual stint on the treadmill, then the swingamajigg (it's almost a torture rack), then weights, then situps and more weights, then the swingamajigg again. Like I said though, having not been in nearly two-weeks I was a bit sore, and weak feeling. My arms were stiff, and I was out of breath. I figured it was best to go home.

5.30pm
It was time to go, I was going to meet Soryi anyway. I got changed, put on my jeans, and the shirt and jacket, I got my bag, and put my towel in it, and grabbed my train ticket so I would save time at the station. Except I didn't grab my ticket, because my wallet was gone. Gone where? I don't know. But it wasn't in my bag, I checked six times. It was gone. The thing is I made sure that when I locked it in the locker (of which I am the only one with a key) I put it on top. And I guess that when I opened the locker an hour and a half later, it wasn't on top, but the locker was locked. It's really weird, and I don't have any explanation for what happened, but my wallet is gone, along with all the cards and money in it.

Fun times for Elliott. Lots of fun. I went to the bank the next day, and the bank had lost my Visa account, so I couldn't even get the money out. They had lost all the money in the account on top of everything else that had happened.

IESSOmebody put me out of my misery

MELBOURNE

SO WE GOT BACK ON SUNDAY NIGHT after three days of Melburnian fun. It was great.
I'm totally regretting moving to Sydney. Linus, if you're reading this: Don't move to Sydney, even if you wanted to be with friends. I take back all those things I said about it being ok. It is ok, but Melbourne is better. Move there instead and I'll come and visit!


St Kilda Pier through Soryi's glasses.


Me in St Kilda.


Having breakfast on our last day.


From Southbank facing the city. (Soryi is facing the Crown Casino)


From Federation Square facing the city.


Flinders St Station


An odd thing to see at 9.30 at night; some guy dressed like this doing tai chi. He wasn't asking for money either.


Just outside an amazing tapas place, across the road from Fed Square.


Wayne Brady and co in Fitzroy.


Zombies crossing the road. There were literally hundreds of them. More photos on Flickr.


Return to South Melbourne Beach to reshoot an old photo.


All the food we ate while there; breakfast x3, lunch x1, dinner x3.
I'd definitely recommend Movida, the tapas place. Try the chilled citrus and mint soup with cinnamon dumplings and melon. Also, try the pate with fennel and chocolate drizzle. Oh, and the anchovy with salmon sorbet! ALL AMAZINGLY GOOD!

Also, proof that Sydney is lame.
Backstory: I'm walking down the street in Bondi Beach and wearing a scarf.
SURFER: "You know what I really hate?"
OTHER SURFER: "What?"
SURFER: "Scarves. The next person I see I'm gonna bash."

What is the deal with the anti-scarf sentiment? I've heard things of this nature three times now. What is the deal!?
IESSOoWhat?It'sFrigginCold!

YESTERDAY

YESTERDAY was 3 years since we left Australia and began our lifechanging travels. 26,304 hours ago I was in Temple Bar sharing a pint with Dermo at the Porterhouse. I miss that. A lot.

So now I'm here in Sydney still. It's ok. Whatever.
I'll be going to Melbourne in 3 weeks from tomorrow (irony? no, I don't think so, coincidence perhaps). It'll be fun, hopefully.
First lot of travelling in 6 months, I am actually pretty excited.

Also, Soryi and myself have begun planning the wedding. I'll fill you in on the details, when they happen. It's looking like it'll be taking place in Brisbane. And a SMALL ceremony with immediate family and a few friends, nothing lavish and extravagant. We're saving that for Vegas the following year!

IESSO

SOME LIKE IT HOT

BUT I CERTAINLY DON'T. It's *only* 35ºC right now, but don't worry, that's set to go up to 40ºC in an hour or two. How hot is it? It'a so hot that I'm sweating in the shade. It's so hot I feel my skin cooking. It's so hot that I can't do anything. It's so hot that I can't think of a witty joke to make this post funny.

It's just to hot. To the folks in Dublin and London who are thinking "Well gee Elliott, you should consider yourself lucky that it's not like it is over here, we're freezing our asses off!" NOPE! I refuse to listen to that. It'd trade this 35ºC heat for 3 or 5ºC or even -2ºC. So yeah, make it cooler so I can go out exploring like I like to do.

IESssoooo....

MY MOM SAYS I'M COOL

SO I GUESS I'M NOT COOL. Me and Soryi have finally come to this realisation after noticing that no-one reads this blog anymore, and more that no-one looks on our Flickr pages. Also, we're not famous in the design community, and we don't talk to many people on Facebook. Worst of all, we don't have very many friends. And when we go to hostels we never end up meeting anyone.

And this is of course our own doing. We're not very proactive when it comes to emailing people, or striking up conversations with old friends, or joing groups, or contributing to society in any way. It's not that we don't care, we do, it's just that we don't do it.

I feel uncomfortable with making new friends. I can make new superficial friends, but longterm, meaningful friendships are difficult. And fitting into groups that are interested in topics we like is very intimidating. I hate meeting new people and talking about graphic design with them. I always feel they know more than me, and that I am some sort of idiot who is trying too hard to fit in, but clearly doesn't.

I apologise to everyone who feels hurt that we haven't stayed in contact. Please, if you read this, and feel wronged, let me know. We're in Sydney now and instead of not talking to people like we normally would, I would love to hang out or grab a drink or whatever. Just let me know.

I'm going to say that my REAL new years resolution is to be more proactive when it comes to talking with people. It only has positive results! The more people we know, the more we can all share our experience and have fun times together. My FIRST step was to join Flickr groups that have shared interests with me, and hopefully they'll accept me. My NEXT step is to call Jay and Lisa who are both friends of ours from uni, and actually HANG OUT like I said I would.

IESSOhcrap,whatiftheydon'tlikeme!?

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

Okay, so I'm not much of a New Years Resolution kind of guy anymore, if ever, but here goes nothing!

1. Be. I like this one because it's nice and vague and it's one of those hug-yourself-and-tell-yourself-you're-perfect-the-way-you-are™ kind of bullshit that people just love because it's really, really easy. But to just "be" means to live life however I want, and stop trying to change. Which is changing myself... OH CRAP! I can't even just ... be!?!?

2. Lose some weight. The first thing people said was "Wow, you're fat!", so that's got to change. I'm feeling less secure about myself anyway, and this will be good. How will I lose the weight though? When I get a job I'll buy a bike and cycle to work. That's about it. I've been doing some sit-ups as well, so I'll try to keep that up.

3. Stay positive. Not easy given Soryi and my spiralling AND crippling depression since being back, and because of being back in Australia. But we'll go to NYC soon, and things will be more fun.

4. Do less computer based design, and more screenprinting, film photography and stencils. I've gotten used to using the ol' mouse and chain, and have forgotten to use my hands and do some stuff Old Skool™.

5. Wear cooler clothes. Both literally and figuratively. I want ONE photo of myself that I can look back at in 35 years and say, "Wow, I used to look like that? What a dork! Check out those pants!" or something like that. You know how you see photos of people from the 70s and you're all laughing at their funny clothes? Well, I want that! Also, it's hot here and I'm sweating heaps!

I'll let you know how it goes, but no doubt it'll go badly. Even if it is super easy and vague.
IESSO

AM I CRAZY?

FROM AN EMAIL TO FRESHJIVE:

Hello.

I found one of your shirts in a store in Brisbane, Australia and was more than a little shocked. I think the shirt requires some explanation. Can you explain to me why your shirt features a graphic that shows striking resemblance to a swastika? I consider myself a reasonable person, so I think it's fair to assume that Freshjive does not actually support the Nazi Party, or any of it's current neo parties. Nor would I assume to believe that Freshjive actually condones the atrocities commited by the Nazi Party.

While it is true that Buddhist cultures, as well as some Native American cultures do use swastikas in their artworks and as decoration, I am not naive enough to believe that this shirt (or anything else for that matter) can use a swastika on a commercial product and think it is an appropriate symbol.

I am a graphic designer myself, I know that sometimes when creating graphics you can miss the forest for the trees. You can come up with an idea that seems cool, and totally loose sight of the bigger picture. That is a reasonable excuse. HOWEVER, it is NOT reasonable for a person in charge of quality control, or in any sort of position of approval to miss such an obvious mistake.

I would like to know what you plan on doing regarding this matter. And I think an apology for such a horrendous blunder is completely within reason. Finally I am going to assume that you will be pulling this shirt from stores, and whoever was responsible for this to be dealt with in whatever manner you see fit.

From
An annoyed FORMER Freshjive customer,
Elliott Scott

AmAppAirAds on BuzzFeed

I'M NOW a Z-list internet celebrity with my fake AmericanApparelAirlines ads being featured on BuzzFeed. Pretty cool I guess.