WOODY ALLEN

I've gotten into Woody Allen films recently, sure they're kinda bizarre/old-fashioned/hip-to-be-squareish and all that, but they're also funny. Check out Annie Hall for seriousness and Play It Again Sam for humour. Best line from the latter:

WOODY ALLEN: That's quite a lovely Jackson Pollock, isn't it?
GIRL IN MUSEUM: Yes it is.
WA: What does it say to you?
GIM: It restates the negativeness of the universe, the hideous lonely emptiness of existence, nothingness, the predicament of man forced to live in a barren, godless eternity, like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void, with nothing but waste, horror, and degradation, forming a useless bleak straightjacket in a black absurd cosmos.
WA: What are you doing Saturday night?
GIM: Committing suicide.
WA: What about Friday night?
GIM: [leaves silently]

+ the obligatory sexual quote:
WOODY ALLEN: I wonder if she even had an orgasm over the entire two years we were married? Or did she fake it that time?

Brilliant.

IESSO

ALL-NATURAL, EXTRA-SWEET ASIAN-PUNK-CAVEMAN JUICE

I bought this fruit and vegetable juice the other day, which by the way was pretty good but it had a strange marketting tool, on the side was a dude with the craziest costume ever, he was punk and caveman combined. It was weird. If only I could speak Taiwanese I could understand what it was all about, but just looking at it, it makes no sense.

I'm Elliott Scott, appearing somewhat racist on the surface, but deep down not really, just niaive and shallow; signing off.

PS. The photos dont do justice to the craziness of the image. The guy has a crazy hair style and is wearing fur clothes with a bone and tooth necklace. CRAZY! Good juice though!

KNEE ON LIGHTS

Lame lame lame. Anyway went for a bit of a cruise in Lindseys new car (Lindsey is the guy on the right, other guy is Tanner), and not being much of a car person I took photos. We went through Surfers and I took some photos of the lights. I like lights. I love lamp. Shiny bright pretty colors. Ooohhh. Aaaah. And this is the worlds worst collage from said photos. The camera has a really small lense which requires long exposure times to capture the light, hence the blurriness. Plus the car was totally shaking. Gimme a break. You guys are WAY too judgmental.

Later on in the night we were invited to someones birthday party. I think it was a friends friends sisters birthday. Oh man it was an awkward situation; Sweet 16. We're 22 by the way... so it was not cool. Luckily there were other people our age and the girls could do there thing while we were in the living room playing cards. So it was all ok. I didn't get arrested.

Oh an also the 16 year old boys were funny, they kept shaking our hands, I guess because they were trying to be men, and that's what men do. But holy crap they had weak handshakes. It was funny. I know it's silly but I totally judge a person based on their handshake, its got to be just right or I don't trust them. These kids were limp-wristed and weak... they must have been intimidated by my awesomeness and rugged masculine manliness or something equally as bizarre.

Um... yeah, I'll just quit while I'm ahead on this topic.
IESSO

WHAT? ME TIRED?

See the thing about yesterday was that when I left for work at 7am I had already been awake for 20 hours, so it was bound to be a long day.

I went out on a nice date with UNG, and we had fun and it was nice and intimate at the place we went to (Garuva: They had indoor tents! and we had cake and icecream and Mai Tais' for dinner!!) and it was nice. But then we caught the train home(s). Which was ok in theory, we had to cut the night short because she had to be home at a certain time, which is fine I guess, but whatever. We caught the 9.30 all-stops train to Beenleigh with her needing to get off at one of the stations before that...

We were going fine untill we got to Kuraby. Apparently one of the powerlines snapped and the train could go no further. We had to exit the train and wait in the cold (good snuggling opportunity) for 40 minutes. It was also raining.

40 minutes later the train arrived. We got on. There was another 20 minute delay on the tracks while they switched tracks or something. We finally got going, she got to her stop, got off and got home (1 1/2 hours late!) I stayed on, passed another station and was delayed again, luckily for only 10-15 minutes.



These photo's were taken after UNG got off the train and I was bored/tired. I'm more pretending to be annoyed than actually being annoyed. Why? To create 'atmosphere' and 'tension' of course. Sexual tension; naturally.

I finally got home at 12.15 and was freakin tired. 37 hours of being awake kills me. Especially when it's freakin cold and raining and I am not looking forward to walking for 45 minutes in said conditions. I asked few people for rides, no such luck and walked home. Some people had a change of heart and drove out of their way to give me a ride. So nice of them. It was warm and comfy in the car and I got home at 12.30. Cool.

So overall a grand adventure. I had a lot of fun. Despite the crazy circumstances. Point being: If I was alone this adventure would have sucked! It's amazing how much of a difference another person can make. Awesome.

IESSO

Ps. I got a few emails from people:

Dermo sent me a link to this dude who is way disgruntled with society but entirely funny. Check out his homepage HERE or my favourite page HERE, which is him trash-talking artwork by children. Don't worry, he gives them a fair grade ranging from A to F, so it's not entirely without merit.

Someone else sent me an email 'letting me know' that he used my artwork in a magazine. Which was flattering, but also kinda strange becuase he didn't actually ask to use it. You can download it for yourself HERE.

For the record, that's 3 people in the last week asking to use photos I uploaded onto Stock.xchange. Which is cool, but strange becuase A) Why all of the sudden? and B) They're sh*tty photo's anyway.

THORPEY SAYS IT'S FULLY SICK!

It is totally awesome when your crappy work makes the leap from crappy InDesign/Illustrator/Photoshop file to actual crapy flesh and blood [ok; paper] products! YAY! 'Specially when they're fun things like Murtle the Turtle for the EPA! I can't wait for the t-shirts to be printed. They will rock!

IESSO

I HEART LUCY

Let's talk LUCID DREAMING again. It's been a hell of a long time since my last post about them, and coincidentally a long time since I had one, weird huh? Anyway I had one last night. Well actually this morning, but whatever....

Firstly it started off as standard dream (weird but me not having any control) I was in charge of screening A Life Aquatic to a test audience and disaster ensued; the audience was a bunch of hillbillies and didn't care about the movie, I think there was a war or something, none of the technical equipment worked, etc etc..

Yeah there was a war, NO, wait it was a horse race, but it was in apalling conditions, I ended up dragging the horse through the snow and rain and sleet over the line... And because I was dragging it I ended up grinding it away, as well as my hands (but luckily it was too cold for me to feel pain, or care) and that's when I realised I was dreaming. I did my standard test; flying, and it worked real well. I'm totally getting better at flying. And I can totally get the texture of objects right, but the storylines are still uncontrolable.

In fact they were so uncontrollable that I gave up doing whatever it was I was doing and went home. Except that it was my old home in WA and that it was now in Tuscany.. Anyway I told my parents that I was dreaming and they wouldn't believe me. I kept doing cool things to prove to them; like flying, making money appear and controlling their movements but they didn't really understand. They kept asking me if I woke up would I still be able to make money? I told them now was their chance to do cool things too, but they weren't interested.

I told my brother all this as well and he was excited. And for some reason we ended up getting the hillbillies to watch Life Aquatic and Bill Murray was really happy.

Then I heard footsteps and woke up.
Pretty crazy huh? Anyone wanna interpret that? No? Well ok...

IESSO

PS. For those who care: WHAT I HAD FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT:
- Ham + Cheese Sandwich
- Knackwerst + Saurkraut
- Leftover Curry
- 2 x Bannana muffins
- Apple Juice
- LOADS of sugar during the day! LOADS!

PPS> No, I'm not randomly listing what I ate, I had this theory that the food you eat effects and/or affects your dreams. Well it's not my theory actually, but I can't remember whose it was, so it might as well have been mine. Yeah, that's right!

PPPS. While trying to find a good image of a stripper (see comments to understand why I'm doing this) I found a site where you can hire male strippers and then perform sexual favours on them. Now call me crazy, or old-fashioned but A) Isn't that kinda weird, fellating a stranger in front of other girls B) Aren't some of the girls in relationships [LIKE THE BRIDE-TO-BE], C) It seems kind of unhygenic and lastly and most importantly D) How does that sound like fun? Again call me crazy, and in no way do I not think it's a great concept for people to 'give this little acts of love' or even lust, but the person GIVING is the one doing the work, not the person RECIEVING... These dudes are being paid in more ways than one. I don't understand... No mutual gain in any way... clearly I don't really have any idea what I'm talking about, but it seems like it would be a lot of work...

PPPPPS. I totally had a link to the site but I took it down because I didn't want to been seen endorsing such a site, which for the record I don't, and off the record I also don't... so if you happened to see my site and follow the link before I removed it, and were offended, despite my warnings, I am sorry. Oh and also.. you are an idiot. I told you it was material of a sensitive nature and that you wouldn't want to see it... but no, you didn't listen did you?

ONLY IN AMERICA, or quite possibly Canada...

We took the Cola Challenge!!!!! today with unsuprising results. The glasses were filled with cola and the names of the contents hidden from us. We were told to fill out a peice of paper saying which was which, and sure enough we were 100% correct. Coke was my preferred choice, while my dad liked Pepsi, but regardless of preference we knew exactly which was which. Pepsi is sweeter than coke, but less fizzy, and both are sweeter and have more flavour and carbonation than the generica 'Brand X' cola.

I was actually quite suprised though, the difference between Coke and Pepsi aren't as obvious as I thought. It really depends on which one you drink first. I drank Pepsi first so initially Coke seemed sweeter, but after later tasting I settled on my final and correct answer.

So there you go. Total losers. It's awesome!

IESSO

PS. I'm sorry I haven't posted so much as of late, in case you hadn't realised I haven't been feeling so cheerful this last week. I'm not sure why, but yeah, not the best... So I haven't really done anything worthy of publishing (other than this AWESOME challenge of course) Hopefully next week will be better. PPS. Totally pissed Sebastian off this week because of my poor attendance at work [2 days off, late 2 days, still have friday to go] HUZZAH!

PPPS. I'm once again the veiwer of the 1000th ... um... thingo? Anyway, YAY! 5000! That's like half a million right?! WOW. Although I must confess that I did add to that number; everytime I upload, modify or delete something from the site the number goes up... so it's really about 4500, but don't tell anyone...

IN MY DEFENCE

A quick word about the new look; "Why so feminine?" you might ask, to which I would reply'; "Why not?" ... oh and also I just watched an episode of Changing Rooms, so my mind has melted.

POST 450, the cop-out post

I keep having nightmares. Every time I've gone to sleep for the last 4-5 nights I've woken up in terror. It's not fun. Any suggestions? Explanations?

IESSO?

PS. I think my parents are going crazy. They seem to have lost the sense of 'appropriate time'. If they have a thought, they say it, no matter when it is, or how annoying it is because they've already said fifty things. Case in point; I went home yesterday early because I wasn't feeling well and as soon as I stepped in the door my parents asked if I wanted panadol, food, drink, anything, 'no thanks, i just want to go to sleep', they asked me again if i wanted things, told me about their day and generally stopped me from sleeping. That's fine I guess, at least they care about me, but when I finally fell asleep, there was a knock at the door, my mom told me she bought some ham for lunches. Yeah, cool, but maybe it could wait till morning?

PPS. I checked my listings with Technorati. I'm ~#255,000th best web log in the world! YAY? So maybe if you like my site, link to here and let me know you've done so, so I can send you your bribe money. Thanks.

TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME

Here are the photo's from our day of baseballing fun. I had to sort of pick and choose what goes in, and what gets the boot, so please feel free to kick my lily ass. I selected photos based on visual appearance and content. Blah blah blah.

It's kinda late, I think I might get some sleep. See ya'll.

I'm Elliott Scott, who somehow affects a southern drawl when he's tired, signing off.

PS. Yes, I totally throw like a girl. And a wussy, limp-wristed girl at that!

EARTH, FIRE, WIND, WATER.... oh and heart too...

Ok, so most of you might not know but Linus and I are big Captain Planet fans. Well as much as one can be in this day and age. You know what I'm talking about right? Captain Planet, big blue guy with a green mullet, 'Our powers combine', etc etc...

Anyway I somehow followed the links to the CP site on IMDB and guess what? There were some pretty big (relatively) actors of the time doing voices for the show. And here I am thinking it was some B-Grade obscure TV show. NOPE! Check out these names:

LeVar Burton (of Star Trek fame [the guy with the glasses!])
Whoopi Goldberg
Ed Asner
Ed Begley Jr
James Coburn
Tim Curry
Phyllis Diller
Danny Glover
Jeff Goldblum
Helen Hunt
Meg Ryan
Martin Sheen
Jessica Simpson
and MORE!

Ok, so some of those names are not entirely huge, but they were! I think the phrase 'icon fused' applies now more than any other time in human history. Yep. That's right. Follow the links to the IMDB page, maybe the images will refresh your memories of who these crazy cats are.

4 Years

Being September 11th I thought I might say a few words. Hurricane Katrina was was horrible too, but being a natural disaster it's a bit harder to blame a specific person. But that's not what I'm about here; blaming, no, I just wanted to say that despite the risks of life and limb, either from Al Queda, other extremist forces, or from good-ol-fashioned NY muggings, I still am gonna go the the big Apple. She's-a-callin' and I can't resist her sweet siren song of boiling hotdogs, trash cans being knocked over by dogs, sirens, taxi's honking and middle aged Italian cliches yelling "Ehh, shut-up would ja?!"

It's gonna be awesome.

March my friend, MARCH! And for those of you wondering; yes, I will keep the blog going. In fact, it might actually be interesting! Not so... um... mondayne! YAY

IESSO

PS. Oh man! I am so clever, with the semi-literal image posting. Dang the cheat to the max!

UPDATES AND OTHER SUCH CLICHES

I'll be posting in number form today, hope that's alright. A lot of crap has gone down since a few days ago, here it is:

1. Pissed Sebastian off, but had fun nonetheless playing BASEBALL! It was good times. Had. By. ALL. *Photo's will be uploaded soon enough. Chillax.

2. My dad went into the hospital yesterday for some minor, but stressful surgery. My parents were freakin out, talking about death and all that scary stuff, and were getting a bit annoyed because I wasn't scared. But I knew everything would be ok, and it was. So that's good. He's home now recovering.

3. Because I was at the hospital I couldn't finish my work for the EPA, and had to get Marlene to do it (well actually she must have volunteered, which was really nice!) and Soryi had to do the project we were BOTH supposed to do. I just wanted to say thanks! And tell them that I REALLY appreciate them picking up the slack that I left behind. It really means a lot to me!!

4. My parents got mad at me and made me feel really guilty for not being able to save money. This is a complicated issue, with much layers of pain, so I don't really feel like going into it, suffice to say that they're not happy with me, and take it as a personal insult. They always take things personally, which makes it so much worse! And they tend to muddle up issues, and don't see things as seperate problems, and SOMEHOW seem to bring their parents into the coversation/arguments. So anyway feeling like sh*t.

5. Tanner came by to cheer me up/distract me/offer an escape from the house. Good stuff. We had a 2-person LAN party. My FIRST LAN party. For those of you who don't know LAN parties are basically where nerds get together and play video games for a while. We played some World War 2 shooting games. Nothing releives stress like the muted screams of Nazi's fleeing in terror. Well, it's true!


*Excuse the poor image quality. I left my camera at work, and I only had my phone.

6. Will be going to the beach and doing other fun things [like mini-golf] with Tanner and his GF. Also with the UNG. Which will hopefully be fun. It's a bit cold, but it might be nice in the sun. MIGHT. We'll see.

IESSO

PS> Sorry about today's post being so weak. And about not offering anything fun this week. It's been a bit like that. Not the best. On an unrelated note; I'll be finishing work at LiveWorm soon. Getting a bit sick of it, and plus we're getting some new kids in who don't seem so friendly. Hmm. There goes the fun!

THESE BOOTS WERE MADE FOR KICKING

...And that's just what I'll do, one of these days I'm gonna kick the crap outta you...



In all fairness it takes a lot of guts and talent to cover a song... Oh who am I kidding!? The Jessica Simpson cover of the AWESOME Nancy Sinatra song: 'These Boots Were Made for Walking' has GOT to be one of my most hated of songs. It's so bad that I actually posted about something I hate, thus breaking my rule of 'if you ignore it'll go away' (which incidentally is what my ex-wife said). It's just so shit. So generic 'designed by a commitee', throw in some 'modern beats', bikini girls, and voice modulators and add a dash of 'star' power and you've got a hit song. NO! Songs about being a woman in charge shouldn't be wispered. NO! It's just SSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssooooooooooo horrible I boggles my mind. I spin myself into a dizzy rage just thinking about it! AAaaahhhh.

OH MAN! If it was ever possible to delete something from the internet, rather than heap more shit ontot the already flaming fires, I would delete all knowledge of that song cover. In fact, since I'm being all Orwellian here, I might go all out and delete her entirely. That would be awesome. Knowledge is power motherf*ckers!

IESSO

PS. One more rant; T-shirt that say FCUK on them. That really pisses me off too. 'Okay, we get it, it looks like it says FUCK!' Ha ha ha. We get it. One good version however was an Irish version saying FCEK. That was funny.

GREAT SCOTT!

We got 9/10 in the ADVANCED Back to the Future Quiz. Nuff said.

FAMILY TIES

HERE IS A TRANSCRIPT FROM AN EMAIL I SENT TO DERMOT REGARDING A PROBLEM I HAVE WITH MY MOM. ENJOY!

"Dermot

Deep and meaningfuls tonight, so watch out!

Being your age and all I was wondering how your parents treat you. My parents see me as their special little boy, which is fine I guess when they're in a good mood, but when my mom gets depressed (as she often does, and drink 8-9 glasses of wine, and starts crying) being the little boy becomes very difficult. I am forced to tread on VERY thin ice, either I obey her depression and listen to her, nodding and adding 'i'm so sorry' everyone once in a while, or I actually voice my opinions which may be against hers or something she doesnt want to hear, or from the opposite perspective and risk (or rather certainly) having her hate me. Either I get hurt by having her badmouth my father or relatives or whoever, or I hurt her but saying something against her point of veiw.

My mother is not the most understanding of people, she cannot listen to others points of veiws. It makes it EXTREMELY difficult to have an actual conversation with her, without her getting really mad and hold a grudge (which she does so well, everytime we have these talks she HATES me more and more). She says she doesnt want to end up in the same relationship that she has with her mother, never talking and hating each other, but I can see that happening if things keep going like this. If she wants me to listen to her vent that's fine, although I may resent it I can understand the need to talk, but she always forgets that A) i have no idea what she is talking about because she never lets me in B) I'm her son, not her psychiatrist C) If i was her pyschiatrist I would be able to offer counter-points without worrying about it being so deeply personal D) She would value the psychiatrists opions, because she doesnt value mine.

I can never argue with her because she treats me like some dumb kid, or I am terrified that I will upset her, and cause her to hold a grudge, so I dont say anything. So then she doesnt want to talk to me. Which is not good at all.

So tonight she was complaining about my grandparents and how they treated her. I tried to listen for a while not really imputting anything into the conversation and after a few hours I got sick of it and started suggesting things that might make her think. No. She gets mad! And i can hear a hatred in her voice. She can transfer all the hatred she has of her parents onto me. And its not temporary either, it adds up. I snapped and said all the things that ive written above about wanting to be seen as an adult, thus having opinions and that im not a psychiatrist but i will listen, but that she needs to remember that im her son, and things can hurt me...

she got really mad, and i got frustrated, and she thinks that i dont want to listen to her, but i kept insisting that I want to listen, but I also want to help her, but that that wasnt my job, but i would do it anyway, and that i love her, and want her to be happy, but i dont know how to bring her happiness.... etc etc etc...

she said "fine, I wont say anything to you"

I snapped. "No! That's exactly what I dont want to happen.! I want you to talk to me, but I need you to listen to me... etc etc"

"I do listen"
"But you dont listen to my opinions"
"I listen to your opinions ALL the time" *Bitter hatred

I feel like my opinions are not that of a friend or an equal but of a nuasance or a nagging son or someone selfrighteous

She told me I have no idea what Im talking about, and that everything I think is just my perception of reality.

OF COURSE IT IS! What else is there? I want to understand you, but I cant understand unless I can have a conversation and I cant do that unless I ask questions which may be offensive, which of course I cant do.

I dont know what to do or say. I feel torn between many different emotions. Firstly and most importantly I want to help my mother feel happy, BUT I need to be seen as equal or at least someone who's opinions are taken seriously, but in order to have valid opinions I need to understand the situation... etc etc.. basically, it all boils down to my mother holding grudges. I tried talking to her about that and apparently she doesnt. EVERYONE can see them. My dad, my brother, my uncles and aunts, my grandparents, they all see that my mother holds grudges and this pushes people away. I dont want to be pushed away so i dont say anything, therefore not helping her other than mindlessly listening, listening to her repeat herself over and over again, never making progress, just replaying the pain and guilt and anger in her mind.


I dont really expect any opinion, and I am fully aware of the complete amount of hypocrisy inherent in this email. But the difference is i completely and utterly value your opinions, however misguided or unsubstantiated they may be (although they've been pretty dead on so far)

From a terrified, guilt-ridden but also slightly angry
Elliott"

IESSO

PS. If you guys have opinions please let me know...

POSSIBLY THE BEST BOOK ON THE TOPIC OF TURTLE STACKING

I've been assigned to do a t-shirt for the Environmental Protection Agency (an alphabet government agency! I'm a spy) anyway they want something for kids. So naturally I did something silly. I really like the turtle (based on the Turtle & The Hare tale; the turtle enjoys his walk...) The shirt is for their 'Great Walks' program. Anyway the print wraps over the shoulder and has the logo's on the back. I hope they like it.... I do.

IESSO

PS. They also want some stickers and a notebook made up, but I didn't bother posting images of them because they're so similar. Please forgive me. I know you really, really care...

THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT

We went to my brothers apartment for lunch on fathers day (today) and it was okay. My brother has a knack for insulting me and saying the dumbest things, and generally making everyone feel crap so it wasn't great. It was okay.

We got to talking about acting, and my brother wanting to do said acting...

JOSH: Not everyone goes to uni before becoming an actor...
DAD: Yeah, but you need to learn how to act and become the character and stuff.
ME: You need to get into the roles....
DAD: You can't just say your lines... Anyone can do that. You need to learn how to act..
JOSH: Right, like Australian Idol.
DAD + ME: What?
JOSH: *rolls his eyes, because of our complete lack of knowledge* Nevermind...



Yeah, we're the idiots..

IESSO

SHOT CREDIBILITY

The actual tagline for Saw 2 is: "Oh yes. There will be blood."

What the?? I mean come on advertising people! Think a bit more. Unless it's a joke? WAY too lame.... even for me.....
IESSO

NIGHT TERRORS

OH MAN! I just had the worst dream ever. I dreamt I was at work. And that Lana was talking a lot. And that I had a headache.

That's all.


Freakin nightmare of Elm St. proportions that one.
IESSO