BLAST FROM THE PAST

I bumped into my my school art teacher working at a shop over the summer while shopping for UNG. I've seen her a few times since high-school and the fateful night at the year 12 formal*. It's funny; even though it was 5 years ago since high-school I can't help but call her Ms. Turner, even though we are both adults now.

It was nice to see her again, she's a nice lady. I told her what I had been up to; finished uni, with the top folio mark, shopping for my girlfriend... etc etc. She asked if it was my ex.... and hit a sore spot. I don't like talking about her anymore, but lately she's come up in coversation a few more times than I would have liked. I've had some dreams about her too recently (in the last few weeks) always the same: I'm back at my old place in Spring Hill and things are how they used to be. But I'm aware of all the things wrong with our relationship that I couldn't see at the time. I guess love blinds me from the things that aren't working, and everyone else around me can see it.

Why would these thoughts come up NOW? I guess the series of coincidences reminding me about then; like finding her address on an eBay page I registered years ago could be one, or Tanner finding her phone number in his old phone, or things like bumping into Ms. Turner who knew us back then... but also my concerns about the future.

I'm planning on moving to New York next year as we all know. But I don't really want to go alone. I'd like to take UNG with me too. And then fear of becoming involved with someone like last time hits me. Of course they're completely different people and our relationships are totally different, but the situations are somewhat similar. 5 years ago I finished high-school with A and we moved in together up in Brisbane, and started university. Now I've finished uni and am hoping to move with UNG to a new city to start a new phase in my life, and I'm worried that history might repeat itself.

I know that this is a somewhat public arena for my concerns, but this blog is my place to voice my thoughts, good, bad or otherwise. This is something I need to work out, and hopefully not worry about. But the concerns are still there nonetheless. History would never repeat itself again, but I am terrified that I am once again being blinded by my love. Of course I can't see anything wrong with UNG, everything is great! She's a wonderful person! I think she's fantastic. We get along wonderfully, we have similar interests in most things, we have different strengths and weakness's but use what we have to help each other out. There is no reason for my fears other than my history.

What do I do? I don't know. What can I do? Do my concerns have any merit? Probably not, but then again it certainly is possible. I suppose I should talk about this with her. I have in a way. She knows I have a bit of a weakness when it comes to my ex. She knows about New York and my hopes for her to come with me. She's mostly eager to come with me, provided she is able to work in the US... I think...

Any input from anyone would be muchly appreciated, although no input is fine too. I'm not actually asking for advice at this stage, just voicing my thoughts, but if you want to comment, please do. If you're a long-time reader or a personal friend you should know that when it comes to life, love and the big things I don't always think entirely rationally or objectively, but I do take it very seriously. Often much too seriously.

Thank you. I'm Elliott Scott, being somewhat of a downer tonight with this post and the previous one, signing off.

* PS. for those of you who aren't aware of what actually happened at the formal, it's kind of a funny story, and kind of crazy, but mostly just plain ol' creepy. See Ms Turner and I got along well, as I usually do with teachers that I respect... And at the formal she got very drunk and came up to me. I was sad to say goodbye and all that usual teacher-student stuff. But strangely she was sad too. She told me what an inspiration I had been, and how she was really going to miss me and stuff, and we hugged. And then SHE KISSED ME! And it wasn't any sort of normal kiss that maybe a grandmother gives to a grandson. NOPE! It was a kiss on the lips, with a slight tongular action. Only slightly. But still. CREEPY! By the way she's not too old or unattractive or anything in case you're picturing some niaive kid and a geriatric, but saying that IN NO WAY was I attracted to her! And to make matters worse, but funnier now, my girlfriend was standing right behind her. LAUGHING at my misfortune. No, she wasn't angry, or jealous, she laughed. A few weeks later we were kissing and stuff (my girlfriend, not Ms Turner) and she started doing the Ms Turner voice and it FREAKED ME OUT! Anyway everytime I bumped into Ms Turner after that night she always had this look of utter embarrassement. It's funny now. But only after 5 years of telling the story. HA HA! Nightmares!

PPS. I was talking to Ms Turner today about UNG. She was happy for me. I'd bumped into her last year (well when I say bumped into her I really mean I went to the high-school to see her and get her to let me mooch off the schools darkroom facilities!) and we went to lunch. She said I looked really sad, but I didn't tell her why. I was actually nearly crying being back at the high-school. Everything was the same, but different.

PPPS. One more Ms Turner annecdote and I'll wrap this up: She quit teaching and went back to school to study psychology. Which isn't very interesting really, except that my brother was also taking psych and was in her class! He was a student of hers too, so they knew each other. He was telling me that she was one of the bad kids, sitting at the back of the room talking and giggling and being distruptive. I thought that was hilarious! He was one of those kids in her class, and now she's sort of doing the same thing back at him. Um.. ha! Funny! I was a goody-goody though.. as if you didn't guess that already!