LUCID DREAM EXPERIMENT #1

Hey.

It's 3.00am, I'm not tired. I might as well tell you guys (my legions of fans) about my latest experiment. I'll try to set it out in the way we had to do experiment reports in high school. Problem is, I can't remember. Bare/Bear with me...

AIM
The aim of this experiment is to induce lucid dreaming. In which the subject is able to control the outcome of his dreams.

EQUIPMENT
1x Crazy person (test subject)
1x Bed
2x Pillow
0x Girlfriend to stop such a stupid plan

INGREDIENTS
4x Large Dill Pickles
6x Artichoke hearts
2x Cheese Singles
2 DOZ Olives
50g Feta Cheese
100g Rasberry Sorbet
Left over Chinese food

PREDICITION
Hopefully the ingredients will combine in the subjects stomach in a way which increases the likelihood of lucid dreaming.

RESULTS
Information pending.

I had ONE lucid dream before. It was cool. I was running away from Agents ala. Matrix. And suddenly I became aware I was in a dream. In the movie "Waking Life", which about lucid dreams... the signs of dreaming is not being able to turn on a light three times, and digital clocks are screwed up. In the Matrix dream I checked the clock and it was all scrambled. I instantly realised it was a dream and everything changed.

I had the power to do whatever I wanted. What did I do? I flew around! It was AWESOME!
Hopefully it will work again. I want do something else...

Goodnight. I'm Elliott Scottnolife, signing off.
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RESULTS
It was found that contrary to popular belief, consuming mass amounts of pickled foods and cheese did not effect the subjects sleeping. Furthermore it did not induce a lucid dream, as was expected. The effects of the pickled foods on the subject can be placed into this simple formula:

( P + E ) - G = CFI

P = Pickles
E = Elliott
G = Girlfriend
CFI = Complete F*cking Idiot

CONCLUSION
Despite the legend of pickles giving people nightmares, this did not happen in this experiment.

FURTHER RESEARCH
Further investigation needs to be done in this VERY important area of science. This experiment was only performed once. It contained many variables; how tired the test subject was, the amount of pickled foods consumed (too much, too little), the length of sleep, the presence/absense of a girlfriend, the lack of common sense.


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DISCLAIMER
Kids, stay in school. Drugs are bad. Elliott is a loser, don't do anything he does. He has no life.


I'm Elliott Scott, signing oph.