WHEN IT RAINS...

I think I might file today in the 'one of those days' section of my memory. Actually maybe I might submit it to Guiness book of records as a huge '1ofTD's' type dealie.

1. Woke up at 6.30 am yesterday. No sleep for 38 hours now, so I'm somewhat tired and drained already.
2. Busy day yesterday doing a whole bunch of nothing.
3. Made a fool myself at work in with a co-worker.
4. Went home, worked ALL night on a job that I was told was urgent but ended up not being urgent this morning.
5. Arrived at work awkward and embarrassed around co-worker.
6. Left in a mad panic to get to an appointment to see my psychiatrist.
7. Missed the bus. Caught alternative bus which only went 3/4 the way there.
8. Walked the remaining 3 km through the bush in the heat, rushing, arriving late, exhausted.
9. Bump into the last person on earth I'd ever want to see. My ex-girlfriend. Run away in fear and sadness.
10. Psych. office had the heater on, uncomfortable and sweaty and smelly.
11. Reduced to tears within minutes of the doc's questioning.
12. Leave psych., go back to work. Still awkward.
13. Have a 'talk' with co-worker about how I felt about her, asking her out. Rejected.
14. Things are awkward between us, I feel guilty for putting her in such a situation. She feels guilty for rejecting me. Making me feel guilty.
15. Job I was working on works out well, finish it after some minor changes.
16. Leave work.
17. A few minutes after I get on train the client calls with more changes. He's annoyed that he has to wait till monday now. I feel guilty for annoying client.
18. Get to station, my dad meets me there. With bad news. My grandmother has died today.
19. Feel like utter shit, not getting a chance to know her, mourning her death.
20. Have to sit in a cramped take-away shop for an hour while my dad badmouths my grandmother and probing into psychiatrists questioning. Cry in public.
21. Get home, eat, listen to my mom badmouth my grandmother (her mom).
22. Get in fight with parents of their lack of respect for the dead, despite how the feel about the person, a little respect isn't too outrageous. PLUS I'm her grandson, they could at least let me mourn even if they don't want to.
23. Type stupid list, wishing I had a cigarette. But too poor to buy any.
24. That's it, stop reading now.

IESSO

PS. Might post more about my grandma soon, but I'm kinda at a loss on how to think right now. I knew it was coming soon. My parents don't seem upset (and I don't think they're just hiding their emotions, they genuinely didn't like her) but I am upset. Because I never got to know her, and make up my own mind. That was half the reason I was going to America, to see my relatives, but now...